Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, Visions

My Birthday Blog – The Gift of Today

As I sit here to write this, I don’t fully grasp the hope I feel in my heart, an odd peace, an unshakable faith. This year has already held a few emergency runs to the ER with friends and extended family. Already held a few hands during some very challenging events. I’ve found myself grappling with some evil schemes on levels I didn’t want to believe were possible.

It’s only Feb. 1st. And it’s my birthday.

I’ve already been stretched beyond what I’ve felt capable of.

And yet, I’ve not felt forgotten or alone or helpless. I’ve felt held. Even now, I see Jesus smiling at me in my mind’s eye speaking hope that everything is going to be just fine. He doesn’t see things the way we do, does He?

In my processing of the past 53 years of being on this planet, I’ve asked many “whys” of the Lord. I’ve heard people tell me that that question is not a good question to ask the Almighty, and yet, I’ve never felt the Lord upset with me for doing so. And there have been times He has answered that. Most of the answers revolve around shifting my perspective to seeing things through His eyes, which is much different than mine.

I remember one such moment, when I asked Him about some current events that seemed so very overwhelming, and I saw Him walk up to me with the globe in His hand like a ball, with a cheesy smile on His face. He just communicated to me that He was in control. I was not. And that was OK. I could trust Him. He’s got this.

That’s difficult to see though when your one of best friends has just found her daughter unresponsive, and you are standing in an ER room holding tightly to her hand. It can be difficult to see when you are tenderly cupping the other hand of your spiritual papa who has been told he is now on hospice, while you pray for every moment of his life to be fulfilled. Or when you kiss your mama’s forehead and tell her I’ll see you soon, as she meets Jesus. Or when you are swimming in a sea of anger, because once again Jesus asks you to let Him into a new level of pain in your heart.

And yet, faith keeps rising – faith (trust) in a loving, compassionate, good God who keeps changing my perspective.

You know I once thought I’d never make it to 40 years old, and truly I’ve been almost taken out multiple times in these 50 some years. I’ve walked through some extremely hot fires, and traversed waters that I thought would surely wash me away, and yet, God’s unfailing love and goodness keep chasing me down. Ps. 23

I got up early this morning to go to breakfast with my family and a friend, just as the sun rose. You all know I love a beautiful sun rise. Jesus spoke to me a few months ago, that as one day is ending the next has already begun. What hope there is in that! A new day, a new horizon, a new hope has already begun even as the day is fading.

Recently, during a different hospital visit, someone I love who faced major surgery said “People tell me that I need to stop smoking. That it will kill me some day.” I wondered where the conversation was going. “But I say, every day is a gift, and I might as well live it up how I want too.”

Sadness pricked my heart, and I kindly responded, “You know, every day is a gift. But I rather live each day to bless and help someone else.” That statement is not to say how great I am. I am not all that. Yet, I just don’t want to live this life to make myself feel good, for my pleasure, and benefit. I mean I like all those things. But I want something more. I want my life to have a positive effect on this world around me. I want to shine light in the darkness.

I want to be there to hold my friend’s hand and stand in rock-solid faith with her as she faces the impossible, because we love the God of the I aM Possible. I want to be there to speak life to my friend who just got the death sentence and see that through the eyes of eternity. I want to spend time crying with the survivor who went through hell on earth, like I did, and then show who Jesus really is. I want to love my own kids well, and show them that life is worth living, and fighting for, and there is a bigger picture than just me, trying to gain things for myself. I want to love my husband every day, showing him value for who he is in my life.

You know, I have a feeling that there are going to be many more challenges to traverse in the coming seasons, and yet, I see and feel this faith and hope growing in a good, good God who loves us unconditionally, who is not surprised by what happens, but instead, He holds the playbook, and I can trust Him.

I can lean back into His great love, and just BE, because I know He’s got this! And that is my birthday wish for you too. Lean back into His great love for you, and live each day as a gift to be used to bring some light to this dark, dark world. Love you all so much friends!

Christian living, Family, Seasonal, Uncategorized

Reflections of 2022

At some point during the past three years, I realized we are not playing the same game anymore. I’ll dive into that more in my next blog. With this realization that the game (the times we are living in) are changing rapidly, the Holy Spirit has been leading me into new ways of doing things.

When you own a business or ministry, there should be a gradual evolving into new things. With several things like my classes, there has not been another model for me to go by, so it truly has been a step by step leading of the Holy Spirit. If you’ve taken a class, you know what I mean!

As I’ve reflected back on this past year, my heart is filled with gratitude for the many opportunities of ministry that I’ve stepped into. I so value the trust that others have put into what we are being led to do.

Here are some highlights of what the Lord did in and through our business. I wish I could share individual stories, because those are what matter most, but those stories are for those people to share. We had so many more God moments than I could ever number, and as a community I see each of us moving closer towards maturing and growing into all God wants for us. What a blessing to walk alongside of so many amazing people, and to have a small part in their stories of overcoming and becoming the person God made them to be.


  • Continued to do monthly art classes with Switch (a local organization that helps people out of sex trafficking)
  • Spoke at several conferences and events (Special thanks to Called to Peace, SC Aglow, and Georgia Shaffer for allowing me the opportunity to minister to your groups.)
  • Had the honor of sharing part of my testimony with Adena Hodges on her podcast called “Testimony Mountain” on YouTube.
  • Ran several 6 week art classes called “The Invitation” Encounter Class
  • Established the monthly Encounter Art Class
  • Met with many one on one, prayer ministry time, which is the greatest thing to see someone encounter Jesus and who He has created them to be
  • Created several commissioned art pieces and reproductions
  • Taught special themed encounter classes for events
  • Published a new book, “The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey”
  • Painted live at two youth events, which was challenging, yet a blast!

My reason in listing these things, is to give you more of an idea what we are about and doing. I’m grateful for each opportunity, and for the beautiful people who I’ve met along the way.

As we look to a new year, I’m reminded that each day is a gift. We can use that day to please ourselves, to live for ourselves, and what matters most to us. Or some of us can just mundanely do the same thing every day, without thought much about it. Or we can live the gift of today with thoughtful intent to reach out and love someone else that God has placed in our lives. I want to do the latter as much as I can.

Make each day count by loving those in your life well, and you will find yourself surrounded by those who love you in return. May your 2023 be filled with the gifts of friendship, identity in Christ, and knowing how much you are loved and cared for by God. You matter. Your story matters. Make it a great one!

Much Love,


Christian living, dreams, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Uncategorized, Visions

A New Hope Rising

Recently, I was at a funeral – my mom’s funeral.  As the lid of the casket closed, two of our former pastors solemnly walked through the doors to greet my sister, who they had come for.  I meandered across the room shaking hands, and receiving thoughtful glances as I made my way to greet my old friends.  Unknown bridges had been burned in the past, but we had not been the ones to light the fires to them.  Once torched, we had sought several times to rebuild, to reconcile, but to no avail.  

It had been almost a decade since we last met.  As I approached them yet again with a welcoming hug and a greeting of genuine, “It so good to see you,” it felt like I had just hugged an icicle – hard, cold, unresponsive.  Not a word was returned. 

Later, I wrestled with all my ball of knotted up gut responses in the presence of a trusted friend.  With many tears, I talked to Jesus and encountered His presence.

I sought reconciliation still with these pastors.  “Jesus, maybe if I just write one more letter.  Maybe if I just trying explain one more time where our hearts were, why we left when did, etc., etc.?”

There are only a handful of times that I have seen Jesus truly angry, like turn over the tables in the temple angry.  Honestly, in scripture, the only time I read about Him that angry is when He encountered the religious leaders of His day.  He never seemed to be mad at the prostitutes, or the sick, or the demon-possessed, or the dishonest tax collectors, or even the Roman dictators.  But with the religious leaders He commonly said some scathing comments about them.  “White-washed tombs filled with dead men’s bone” would probably qualify as some of those type of comments.  

So, I found myself begging for reconciliation with these former pastors to Jesus, who seemed really, really angry.  The answer I got was well, not what I expected, but it went way broader than these pastors really fast.  In fact, this message is not really about these individuals at all, but they seemed to be representing church leadership in general.

He has repeated this message over the course of the past month and a half, different ways, but over and over again to me.  Even this morning, the directive has been to write this down, and share it.  There is no desire on my part to throw these particular people under the bus.  The reason I mention them at all is for context. For whatever reason, His answer to me was a firm “No,” to seeking further reconciliation.  It was more like “It’s time for me to intervene.”  

Please understand.  I’m not saying any of this as a judgment statement against all churches.  In fact, in this engagement with the Lord, I kept feeling like I needed to ask forgiveness because I got them in trouble, which was silly.  I hadn’t done anything to cause them pain, though evidently they had thought so.  I also quickly realized Jesus’s words were not just directed towards them, but the American Church in general.  Also, my family and I do meet in the corporate environment with other believers, and it is wonderful.  The following is not meant to be a blanket judgment across the American Church from me.  I have a healthy respect for the scripture that says, “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.”  I know I miss the mark all the time, so this is just a reiterating of what I have heard that He has been saying this past month, and feel now is the time to share it.  

In my mind’s eye, I saw the tip of an huge iceberg floating in the sea, and then the finger of God came and tapped the tip, flipping the entire iceberg upside down, so that huge, immense bottom was now above water and was visible for the world to see.  Then, I heard these words.

“Those who have represented my church, who have represented me, in their pride, in their arrogance, who have offered fake fire, and a puny god, who made my kingdom their kingdom, who have made their name great instead of my name, their day of judgment has come.  Only the tip of the iceberg has been shown, but I am tipping the iceberg upside down, and the world will see the giant iceberg underneath.  It must be done, or the American’s destiny will not be fulfilled.” 

“The shaking in the four walls has only begun.” 

“Exposure.  Exposure.  Exposure.”

“You have called for the judgment on the broken in this nation, you have turned your eyes away from the needy, the bleeding.  In fact, you have been disgusted by the little, hurt lambs, while instead you have fed the wolves.” 

“Enough is enough.  The tables are turning.  The tables are turning.  I will cleanse my house of this witchcraft, of this wickedness.”  

“They have misrepresented my heart.  They have caused the little ones to stumble .  The children cried for a rope to pull them out of the pits, and instead they have offered them a noose.  They have brought judgment on themselves.”  

“Don’t look to the four walls anymore.  Don’t try to be like the old structure at all.  Yes, there is some good still there. Yes. I am still using organized churches, but a shift is coming and is already here.” 

“Millions have been driven out of buildings, out of the man’s kingdom structures, and into their homes.  I am and will pour my spirit out in the homes, businesses, in the street. The enemy won’t contain my spirit behind four walls anymore.”  

“On the contrary, my ecklessia will return to her roots,  house to house, home to home, family to family, heart to heart.  I will build my true ecklessia.  Not with bricks, but with living stones, with me only as their chief corner stone.”

Yesterday, I sat in a movie theatre with tears streaming down my cheeks.  In front of me on the big screen was a church that had been partly destroyed by the Civil War.  The bell tower had been damaged with the bell itself now covered in ashes laying on the floor in the center of the shell shocked nave.  “Mama always said that the bell of the church is the voice of the church which rings out hope, but look the church has lost her voice,” said the character in the movie as he looked at the structure.  (Paraphrased)

The stark scene reflected the feelings in my heart.  “The church has lost her voice,” I repeated in my head.  And yet as the movie continued, the scenes changed to later showing the same fallen bell, covered in ashes and snow.  As the wind blew across it the words “ New Hope” appeared.  

There is no power in a church building unless the Holy Spirit resides there.  The traditional church were my mom’s funeral had been held was as empty and cold as my former friend’s hug had been.  

How many lost souls have found only condemnation, a list of do’s and don’t’s, a bar too high to jump, a noose to hang themselves on; instead of a rope to be pulled out the dark pit they have fallen into, and a gospel that is empty of good news.  

Our Hope has been, is now, and will always be found in Christ alone.  “He did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it.”  

In this season of civil war, A New Hope is and will rise out of the ashes of the destruction of former institutions we called church.  It will be the true Bride of Christ, the true Church, the true Body of Christ arising with the real Jesus as our leader, our lover, our Bridegroom King.  He’s not done with the American Church, but He must clean house, and rebuild His true church to restore Her voice.  Only He can do this.  It may not look like we think it will, but He can and will have His Bride, His Church.  

God truly loves you.  He relentlessly is chasing after the rejected ones, the ones who have been judged, ridiculed, and left on the road side to die.  He came to seek and save those that are lost.  

A great harvest is coming, but they will come because they have met the real, true Jesus who loves them with a love, so pure, so strong, so compelling.  Our New Hope is found in the true Jesus alone.  

Ironically, when I was a child, my mom used to sing this little song about a bell ringing. “If I had a bell, I’d ring it in the morning. I’d ring it in the evening all over this land. I’d ring out justice. I’d ring out freedom. I’d ring out a love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.” (paraphrased)

Let the bells ring out Hope again!

The movie referenced is “I Heard the Bell” by Sight and Sound Theatre 2022, and the song is “If I Had a Hammer” lyrics © T.R.O. Inc., Tratore/ Songwriters: Lee Hays / Pete Seeger.

book release, Christian living, dreams, God encounters, New Book Release, prophecy, Uncategorized, Visions

Why “The Bride Arising”?

“This is Where You Fight From”

Often times, we become so familiar with a concept, topic, or environment that we miss the importance of it. Being the Bride of Christ is one of those concepts.

When the vision that I just wrote about in my new book, “The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey” occurred six years ago, I had been raised in the church my whole life. I knew about the concept of the Bride of Christ. I knew it be about the passage in Revelation 21:2, where it talks about the new Jerusalem coming down. I also knew and had heard sermons preached about Ephesians 5, where husbands are commanded to love their wives, like Christ does the church as His Bride. That it is a mystery. There is actually a lot of passages about the Bride of Christ coming and us being ready for the wedding!

When you have an experience though that is back up by the scriptures, especially one like this vision was, it takes that information and engraves it on your heart in new ways.

I hope that you will take time to go back and watch the interview I had with my special guests, because they asked some fantastic questions. I included it at the end.

One question was what has been one thing that has made a lasting impact, brought lasting fruit in my life because of this experience? Encounters with a living God should bring about lasting fruit. It should change you. As I contemplated that question, I realized that not only had this experience been one of the most profound and vivid encounters with Jesus, but also one that has had a most lasting impact.

This vision with Jesus really was the beginning of me experiencing Him in this intimate love, this holy, pure passion like I’d never experienced before. Through out this experience, Jesus kept looking at me and telling me that

“This is where you fight from. This is where you live now.”

It didn’t make as much sense then as it does now. Through the years since this experience with Him, living from that holy place of intimacy with Jesus, from under the canopy of His love, with His armor firmly fitted over my wedding attire (my new identity in Christ), it has become my life, my sustaining daily bread. When I’ve lost sight of this holy place of intimacy with Him in His heart of love for me, is when I’ve spiraled downward into confusion, darkness, and despair.

Knowing our identity in Jesus Christ as our Bridegroom, both individually and corporately, and then living from it, is how we can live an overcoming life in this crazy, dark world. This is why I wrote the book and why I feel it’s so important. It’s not just about me having this grand experience. It’s about each of us encountering the Living God of love, and dwelling there with Him, living our lives from that place of intimacy in His heart.

In the book, I give you space to have your own experience with Him. I pray others will also share as they are ready what that experience was like for them.

Consider this scripture:

“Look! It is the king’s marriage carriage— the love seat surrounded by sixty champions, the mightiest of Israel’s host, are like pillars of protection. They stand ready with swords to defend the king and his fiancée from every terror of the night. The king made this mercy seat for himself out of the finest wood that will not decay. Pillars of smoke, like silver mist—a canopy of golden glory dwells above it. The place where they sit together is sprinkled with crimson. Love and mercy cover this carriage, blanketing his tabernacle throne. The king himself has made it for those who will become his bride.” Song of Songs 7-10 TPT

Can you see it? Everyone who becomes His Bride (Which is both male and female – Refer to Chris’ encounter in the the chapter entitled “The Struggle for Men” pg. 60), have the position to sit on the mercy seat, which is covered in crimson (the blood of Jesus) under the canopy the canopy of His love (His chuppa – the wedding canopy). His banner over us is love. This is where we sit seated with Jesus Christ, surrounded by His mighty angel, warriors. It’s our place of intimacy, rest, warfare, protection. It is the marriage seat.

My friends, this is why this message is so important for us today. As we get closer and closer to the changing of the next age of the Kingdom, the full revealing of the Sons of God in the earth, to the wedding celebration of the Lamb, we must live from this place.

This book is for you to help you to begin to encounter Jesus, and all of the Trinity for yourself.

It is also timely. The Lord kept pressing me to have the book completed before the week of Sukkot, which is the Feast of Booths/ Feast of Tabernacles. It’s the feast the Jews celebrate the crossing of the desert to the promised land, where they lived in temporary dwelling, and so to celebrate would for ten days live outside in tents at this time every year. I was invited to be apart of a Sukkot celebration for the first time, and had been asked to teach a healing art class there. I felt led to do one on the bridal journey. What I had no idea of though is that in the Hebrew mindset, the journey of Sukkot is the bridal journey!

The journey through the wilderness for the Hebrews was a bridal journey with God, where they came to Mt. Sinai to cut a marital covenant with Him. He became their covering in the desert, their protector, their provider, their lover. Obviously, they were not fully able to embrace this covenant, and eventually turned their backs on their Husband, God. (I think this would make a great follow up blog.) In short, Jesus came to cut a new marriage covenant with us. When we receive Him, we say yes, to Him as our covering, our protector, our provider, our lover, our Husband.

So, in telling me to have the book completed by this celebration, the Lord confirmed strongly His will in having this book out at just the perfect time. How fun God is!

Even if you decide not to read the book, I hope you gained more perspective on what it means to become the Bride of Christ, and how vital it is to live from that place of intimacy in His heart!

It’s time for the Bride to Arise.

“The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey” is now available on as a paperback and Kindle version.

book release, Christian living, God encounters, New Book Release, Newsletter, prophecy, Visions

New Book Release: The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey

I’m so excited to announce that my next book, “The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey” is now released on The Kindle version is already available, and it will be FREE from Tuesday, Nov. 16 through Friday, November 18th on Kindle. The paperback version is also available now, and will be on sale through the end of the month!

This book was birthed from a personal experience I had with Jesus Christ as the Bridegroom preparing His Bride. Along with the vision, we deep dive into what it means to be the Bride of Christ both corporately and individually. We also discuss each step in the preparation process, and have a time of personal encounter with you discovering what this means for you. Come join in the bridal journey as you make yourself ready for the greatest wedding celebration of all time!

I hope you will take advantage of this opportunity for a FREE and/or discounted book, and please share with others. Reviews on are also super helpful in getting the book out and are much appreciated!

To order or download your free book, just click below or visit

Christian living, Family, God encounters, prophecy, Visions

The Day I Danced Out Of Church

Something was wrong.  I knew it, but couldn’t put my fingers on it.  

Sure.  There were things in the natural that I saw that weren’t sitting right.  But this was something deep below the surface – something not visible – like slimy things hidden in dark places.  

As soon as anyone asked questions, tried to turn the light on, their flashlight was tossed out – X-ed out – including ours.  

Yet, the problem seemed even deeper than one place, one building, one enterprise.  It gnawed at me.  The Holy Spirit had been stirring things up in us for months.  

“When Heidi comes, you will know for sure…” the Holy Spirit whispered inside.  

Heidi Baker is someone I respect highly, and she was coming to our neck of the woods.  After an infamous talk entitled “Don’t Eat Your Family,” (a rebuke regarding Christian cannibalism – verbally tearing your family apart), she pointed towards the back doors and said, “It’s time for you to dance right out of here.”  

I turned to my husband in shocked surprise.  “I think she’s talking to us.”  It was a few weeks later, but…

Then, came the moment.

The moment I thought I’d dread.  The moment I walked out of those doors – out of the same place I had said my vows with my husband, raised my babies, walked through for the last twenty-six years of my life.  It was surreal.

Yet, the oddest thing happened.   

I caught the glance of a friend from across the auditorium, threw my arms around her neck, and instead of tears of sorrow, joy bubbles began to pop up inside me, making me laugh like a little girl.  

It was almost embarrassing, except I didn’t care.  Like I’ve heard about in the natural (because I’ve never actually been drunk) when you are drunk, you don’t care what others think.  

In fact, I could not stop laughing, not even when the well-meaning elder glumly offered his last words to me.  Heaven must have been rolling, because I could not contain myself.  

Kindly, I patted his arm, and managed to say, “It’s OK,” snicker, snicker.  “We are gonna be just fine.”  His shocked look said it all.

I held onto the pew as more laughter bellowed out.  I kind of slid across the back wall, holding myself up with my hands, and with a slight skip in my step pushed open the doors, as I met my family in the foyer.  

Does that count for dancing out?

So, why am I telling you this?  

And no, I’m not going into a church bashing session, so you can let out a deep breath now.  

It’s more about something that has been changing and is changing in me.

It’s far greater than me though.  It is a change, a shift that I believe will eventually effect us all in some way or another.

I learned a long time ago, that anyone, and I mean anyone, especially me, can go stupid.  And yes, in my opinion there was a bit of that stupidity that happened in that season at that church.  Quite honestly, since I had been in a leadership position, serving on the prayer team as a leader, I had briefly become apart of it all.  

Yet, the problems that church went through aren’t isolated issues, because of one rogue leader.

It’s a problem I’ve heard about countless times and has shut down every move of God.

I first began to see things differently when I went to hear a woman I had never heard of speak in a hotel room – well, not much bigger than one.  She was unlike anyone I had ever met before, and she carried a presence of God that demanded attention or her peels of laughter did.  It was both, actually.  

By the second meeting I went to, I was up on the front row, because I was trying to prove to myself that what I was sensing from this woman was real.  As I sat there, it was as if someone stood behind me, took off the top of my head, and poured new information in.  

The speaker wasn’t even talking about the church and church structure directly anyway.  She was just retelling lots of amazing stories of God moving in miraculous ways, but her point was that He wanted to move in everyone’s lives this way.  

Now, I “knew” that, but I guess I’d not really “seen” that, and what I had been experiencing in our church situation had become more of a pyramid structure of performance.  

All of a sudden, in front of me, instead of pyramids, either right side up or upside down, I saw a level playing field.  Yes, each person had an important position to play and everyone used their gifts in unity for the winning score for the team, but there was only one coach, and it wasn’t the charismatic leader in the front.  It was Jesus.  He was calling the plays.

This rocked my world, so much so that without even saying a word about any of it, I was kindly dismissed from the leadership role I had held.  I don’t think it was coincidental, but probably providential.

God wasn’t done though shifting my mindsets.  And still isn’t for that matter.

Shortly after this, we were on vacation.  On my morning stroll with, I was having a little talk with Jesus, and I was telling Him all about our troubles.  I began to ask Him what the structure of the church was supposed to look like, what was His intentions.  All I could see was the mess men through the ages had made of it.  

It was like God would begin to move and pour out His Spirit, and bam, someone would grab the glory and move of God and try to make it their own.  That is a very simplified way of looking at things, but basically that what seems to happen over and over and over again.  

Kathie Walters says as soon as someone says God is moving HERE, in US, like WE have anything to do with, it’s done.  God will move somewhere else, because He refuses to have men’s hands on it.  He knows what men will do with it.  Make it their own.  

So, I digress.  

I was having a hard time seeing things through a positive frame at that time of kicking sand.  So, again, I was asking, “What’s it supposed to look like?”

As I shuffled my feet near the ocean’s edge, I had a matrix moment.  I didn’t see numbers break through scrolling in front of my face, but as I asked the Lord what His idea of what His church should look like, I began to see something very different in my mind’s eye.  

At first, I saw what looked like bubbles or circles.  Then, as it clarified more it was like cells, lots of them, interlocking, exchanging energy, living, breathing, growing.  Honestly, I was stunned.  What did this mean?  

I pondered the cell image, and as I began to ask questions, the Lord began to speak about it.  

It wasn’t about a certain church building or land that the Lord wanted to pour His Spirit on.

It wasn’t about a man’s kingdom or enterprise at all.  It was about His body, His Bride.  

All the cells were comprised of families of people, believers from all over the world, functioning together as one body, in unity, answering to the head, Jesus.  It was and is an ever moving, growing, expanding, beautiful body of Jesus.  

What we had become involved in was seemingly a one man show, an enterprise as it was put to us.  

The move of God had morphed into a man building his kingdom, because he claimed the move of God as his.  He took off the gloves of humility that the Lord had instructed him to keep on, and touch the Holy, held onto the glory, and made it his own.  

What the leadership had wanted was a charismatic leader who would take their God-given dream to make it a reality.  Though I believe their original intent was good, in my opinion, it cost a lot of people a lot of pain, as building any man-made kingdom usually does.  

Some structure is good.  Throwing off all restraint is not.  That leads to chaotic anarchy.  This is not some rebellious attitude that all forms of leadership are bad and should be over-thrown.  That’s fascism.  

Yes, even family needs structure.  There are relational lines and some rules laid down by the law of love that we abide by, and as we mature and grow, we should all be flourishing in a culture of honor, in mutual submission, not lording over each other.

The parents want their children to out grow them, to excel and succeed in life.  It is an ever growing, living, thriving unit.  

When one hurts, we all hurt.  When one celebrates, we all celebrate.  When one falls, we all go down to help the one who is hurting.  

There are boundaries and consequences in family –  in learning to grow up.  In fact, if we lovingly held people to some consequences and did not look the other way, we might have a healthier family unit, and abuse would not thrive.   

This is what it was meant to be, what it was meant to look like  – a lot like love. A lot like washing feet.  A lot like lifting one another’s burdens.  It’s what Jesus said would make us irresistible to the world – the way we love each other.  

After I danced out, the Lord took us on a six or so month journey of going to almost every denomination and some non-denominations.  

You know what we experienced?  

His Spirit alive and moving in them all.  All of them had a piece, a beautiful color to weave into the master design.  All of them…. 

So, whether you go to St. Such and Such or Bedside Assembly as we used to call it in college, or whether you have believers in your home or meet at a coffee shop, the Holy Spirit desires to be poured out through all of us, for all of us to be the living, breathing, growing thriving body of Christ.  

It’s not about the four walls, the great programs, the charismatic apostle, the amazing sermon, or the women’s luncheons.  Those can be good things, as long as it doesn’t become a self-gratifying social club, and those things aren’t stealing your focus from Jesus, your time from true intimacy with Him and others?  

These days, I still find myself seeing the Kingdom from a much broader, life giving view.  

We fellowship on a regular basis with other believers, because it’s important.  Isolation is not a healthy course in the long run.  We need each other.  We need accountability.  I know I do.  

You are a king under King Jesus.  You are priest under His Priesthood.  There is no Junior Holy Spirit.  We all get to play on the same field together.  

Until we come together as one body, as one Bride, I don’t really think we can accomplish the full mission that we are here to do.  

Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus and let Him pour His Spirit out on all of us, not just the church leadership.  When we are looking to them instead of Christ, it is a lot of expectation and pressure to put on them anyway.

Who knows?  Maybe you’ll find yourself dancing out of some pyramid one day to healthy family cell outside of traditional structure or maybe you’ll find your family cells within more of a structured environment?  

The point is we are all the body, the Bride of Christ.  He is our head, and we answer to Him.  

We walk in love, honor, and mutual submission with all our brothers and sisters, honoring and developing the gifts in each one we meet.  That’s family, and a Kingdom Family is what we are called to be.

Christian living, Family, Uncategorized, Visions

Forgiveness Or Judgment

Sometimes, we need a paradigm shift because we have been looking at the same thing for most of our life, and then one day, our perspective shifts, and we see it in a different way. 

I was reading Luke 23:34.  “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” In the TPT, it says while they were nailing Jesus to the cross, He said over and over again, “Father, forgive them.  They don’t know what they are doing.”  

Truly, they didn’t know they were crucifying the Son of God, or they never would have done it.  

Then, I went to the story of Stephen being stoned, and he lifted his head to heaven and saw Jesus standing at the right hand of the Father.   He too said with his dying breath, “Forgive them.  They don’t know what they are doing.”  Acts 7:58

As I read these, the Lord began speaking to me.  He wasn’t just talking to the Roman solider who nailed Him to the cross, and Stephen wasn’t just talking to the Jewish leaders who were hurling the stones at them. 

Some people insist that for forgiveness to be offered, the one needing it must ask for it.  Yet, in both of these very dramatic cases, forgiveness was not only offered to those who didn’t ask for it, but it was offered and even was a plead for the ones who were abusing, who were actively murdering them.  

When the US pulled out of Afghanistan and the Taliban rushed in, I was a mess.  I felt the abandonment and the extreme anger against our government for leaving people stranded and for the Taliban who have taken over.  I knew that it meant the massacre of thousands of believers. 

I was so upset that I was making myself sick.

The Lord drew me away to spend time with Him. As I did, I immediately, saw Jesus standing by a lake tossing rocks into it.  I thought to myself, “How can you calmly be doing that Lord, when your children are suffering and dying?”  

He turned to face me with that compassion flooding through His eyes, and said, “Daughter, I never abandon my children.”  

Then, he proceeded to motion me closer, “Come with me.”

For the next day and half, all I could see in my minds eye was the same thing. I saw myself standing in the middle of room with these precious Afghans as they huddled in corners.  I saw a glory light all around us with Jesus standing in the middle, and I saw each person with an angel in front of them that as holding them.  From the other side of the bubble, I could hear the door bust through, feet shuffle, the clicks of guns being cocked, and the sound of machine guns being fired into the room.  As each believer took their last breath, the angel flew them away.  It was intense.

Then I heard Jesus say, “Listen.” 

With their last breath, I heard, “Forgive them.  They don’t know what they are doing.”  

Could that have just been my overactive imagination? Maybe.  But at the end of the second day, I heard, “Enough,” and the vision lifted.  

What I believe the Lord was showing me regarding this is that when Jesus willingly laid His life down at the cross He made a way for forgiveness to be given.

Up until that time, mankind’s sins had been appeased.  That’s what the animal sacrificial system was all about – temporarily placing the sins or evil of mankind on an innocent animal to appease the just, righteous, holy God until Jesus could come to be that permanent sacrifice.  

When Jesus fulfilled that sacrifice, forgiveness is now already in a sense given for anyone who accepts the Son’s sacrifice.  We then also get to appropriate that forgiveness to others, making a way for them to come.  

Following Jesus’s resurrection, He said in John 20:22, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of anyone they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of anyone, they are retained.”

It’s still their choice whether they receive what the Lord has already done, but it is already a finished work, once and for all, we are forgiven.  

So, Stephen when he pronounced the same thing, I believe in a way he was acting like Christ, and making a way for Saul to become Paul.  

The Afghan believers in their suffering and spilling of their blood are also acting as Christ, being that same example.  I believe it will potentially make a difference in some of the Taliban receiving Christ. 

Here’s the thing though.  Jesus wasn’t just dismissing the evil being done to Him.  He wasn’t just looking the other way.  He acknowledged what was done.  But He chose to take our place and carry our sins, evils, and make the way for forgiveness to happen, or we would never be able to be reconciled to God.  

We also can partner with Jesus in this when are unjustly suffering and choose offer the gift of forgiveness just as we have accepted that gift, perhaps making a way for others as well to receive that forgiveness as well.  

We act as His agents on earth to bring the kingdom here.  We are His representatives, and we can forgive or not forgive others sins.  

If I love my enemies, then I want them to also be able to receive the free gift of salvation as well.  I want them also to receive forgiveness.

Do they have to ask for it, well, I believe for them to receive it, then yes, but I have already given it in my heart.  

Many times, when someone asks me to forgive them for something they have done wrong, my answer is “I forgave that a long time ago.”

When I come to the Lord asking for forgiveness of my sins or those that I have authority over, like my family line, He has always given it because I believe it is already given.  Yet, I still must appropriate it. 

Yes, when I receive salvation all my sins have been placed under the blood of Jesus once and for all.  That is true.  It is also true that His blood is enough for all the sins of the world, and yet, Jesus says, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” This is something I don’t fully understand, because it seems to be a both/and situation.

Just as Jesus came to step into that place for others, I believe we can also partner with Him interceding or stepping in the gap for others, just like He does.  

Having been a survivor of severe childhood abuse and trauma, I know very well all the emotions that seek to suck us down into a pit, and I’ve also suffered sorely from the results of others sins against me, and still suffer daily from them in some ways, but I’ve also learned that I can walk with an unoffended heart when I chose to allow God to take the offenses and be the final judge.  

But that doesn’t mean I don’t ever experience offense, nor is it wrong for me to be get offended at evil.  It’s totally right to be offended at evil, and it’s total right to take action against evil.   I just don’t hold on to it.  I turn it over to the Lord.  I offer forgiveness to the person in my heart, but I still may need to hold them accountable for the wrong done.  

For example, a couple of years ago, when my purse was stolen, I just didn’t say,  “Oh, I forgive them. Let’s just forget that ever happened.”    I called the police and filled a report against them.  It is right for the full authority of the law to be applied and the thief held accountable.


Here’s where we can and have very much gone off in a wrong direction with this message of forgiveness.  

It doesn’t mean I don’t acknowledge evil and look the other way.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t hold accountable abusers.  If we have the ability to speak up, and hold people accountable for their evil actions, I totally believe we should.

The reason evil was able to flood back into Afghanistan is because the force of good that was holding it back suddenly left.  If we don’t act justly, and take action against those who are lawless and evil, then we are allowing that to come to our front door and to take us out.  

I know this may sound like a paradox, but just follow me a little longer.  

There is a big difference between having a forgiving, non-offended heart, which I think we should all have, while still holding people accountable for their evil actions verses carrying around a heart full of hatred and offense judging the hearts of others or passively sticking our head in the sand because we don’t want to offend anyone or get messy.  

The church has done the latter two far too many times, protecting the abusers, while throwing the abused under the bus in the name of God.  Many times, the abused are even told that they should just forgive and forget and bear their burden like a good Christian.  This is completely against the heart of God.

He tells us to protect those who unprotected, to care for the widows and the orphans which is what are called to do – to act in justice, but love mercy, and walk humbly with God. 

Instead in many cases, the church has covered up the nakedness of the abuser to protect their reputations, which have no character to back it up, while throwing the abused out the door.  

And we wonder why and how our government and culture has become so corrupt.  

We have pulled out the good that was keeping it back and not stood up for those who can’t.  

This not only breaks the heart of God, but brings His judgment.  And yes, He still judges, even though He has made the way for forgiveness.  It’s both/and.  Not one or the other.  

I’m pretty sure Ananias and Sapphira were judged because they lied to the Holy Spirit, and the holy fear of God fell on the early church.  Acts 5

The fierce justice and judgment of God is throughout the Bible.  I believe even His judgment is from a place of love. If He didn’t have consequences to the evil that humanity has perpetuated, our race would never have made it to the redemption. We would have destroyed ourselves long ago. Yet, because of Jesus, we now stand in front of the mercy seat.  Praise God. 

When we truly receive the free gift of forgiveness through Jesus, we can now not only live with a heart set free of our sin nature, we can also be the door for others to be set free as well, by stepping into the position of Jesus and acting as He did.  

Whether that is speaking up to the Pharisees to defend the defenseless, or if that’s caring for the wounded on the side of the road, or that’s offering forgiveness when we are suffering for someone else’s sins, we can follow the Holy Spirit’s leading and make a difference in this chaotic world by bringing His kingdom through us.  

Christian living, Uncategorized, Visions

In My Messy Conversation…

I drove into my friend’s driveway.  A terrible storm had ripped through her yard, uprooting a large oak tree and laying the roots on their side.  Siding from surrounding buildings, glass, trash was strewn all over the yard.  

Now, this friend keeps her yard meticulous.  She could be a top interior and exterior designer.  

As I stepped out of the car, I saw her bent over, wiping sweat from her brow, as she thrust the next handful of trash into the almost full bag.  Her face – tight.  Her eyes – weary.   She had lost someone she loved dearly a few weeks prior.  I knew she was at the end of herself in many ways.  My heart ached with her. 

I smiled and waved hello, right as an elderly woman marched across the street and stood belligerent with her hands on her hips in front of my friend who had slowly reached down yet again to put trash into the bag.  

The woman began ranting at my friend, accusing her of never keeping her yard up to the community standards, of being a slob.  I saw my friend’s face grow red with embarrassment as she bowed her head.  

In defense, I stepped in-between the neighbor and my friend, shielding her from further attack.   I looked straight into the old woman’s condemning eyes as she glared back. 

“Either you get off this property, or I call the police.” I calmly, but firmly said.  

She started to rail at me. 

I held my ground.  “You are on private property.  You don’t have the right to be here.  Get out.”  I continued to speak, as I pulled my phone from my pocket and began dialing 911.   I was so mad, beyond mad.  

Then, I woke up.  It had all been a dream.  And I’ve been wrestling this out with the Lord every since. 

Even as I’m writing this out, I see it from so many angles, and I’m asking God to search my heart and show me my own stuff that needs to be dealt with.  

In our world right now, there are so many injustices being done.  So many people I love hurting who have lost loved ones, who have destructive storms that have ripped through their lives.  I’ve had a few of my own.  

And I’m angry.  I didn’t realize how much.

I’m angry seeing evil in our governmental and religious systems hurting people, allowing people to be massacred, forcing people into doing things they don’t believe are right for them or their families.  

I’m also angry and grieving for others with family members on vents, suffering, partly because of what appears to be a failed health care system, partly because of a bad virus.  Yet, also seeing their choices villianized and accusations flying against them for their choices.  

I’m angry watching a religious system many times eating their own – “spirit cannibalism” as Heidi Baker once called it.  Like the woman in the dream, coming to curse her neighbor who is hurting, instead reaching out a helping hand in her time of suffering.  Why are we so quick to condemn, judge and jury our neighbors, or maybe someone we have never even met?

On a very personal level, I’m mamma bear angry because someone dear to me is considering walking away from their faith because they never felt they could measure up to the religious yard stick.  

I cried out to God this morning, because if I’m honest, I’m really angry about a lot of things.  And growing up in an abusive home, being angry was not allowed.  I suffered if I showed anger, badly.  

So, I stuffed it.  I learned to stuff it very well.  I learned to live life looking good on the outside, yet falling apart with anger, helplessness, powerlessness, fear, terror, on the inside.   

And now in the middle of this chaotic world of a mess, Jesus is looking at me the way that undoes my heart, and is telling me it’s OK to be angry at evil.  

It’s right to be angry at the nasty neighbor who is tearing apart my friend’s heart, much like the storm did her yard.  It’s right to stand my ground and demand her leave, because she is trespassing.  He is actually angry too, and wants me to stand up for my friend’s rights.  He doesn’t want me to put up with the bully.  

Can I say here I know who the real bully is – the enemy?   “We don’t fight against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces, and darkness of the age.” Eph. 6:12  Yet, when a person has yielded to that darkness, it may mean I need to stand up to them too.  I may need to say, “That’s not allowed.  You are trespassing and you must get off.”   

When good withdraws, evil will rush in.  

Did I even realize that I could love and be angry at the same time?  Be angry and sin not.  Eph. 4:26  Don’t allow that anger to turn into cursing or condemning.  Don’t allow it to pull me off the course of love, and yet it was right to feel it.  

I saw Jesus hand me a punching bag this morning in the spirit.  “Here, let it all out here, and now sit down with me, and let’s talk.”  Does God do that?  Apparently.  

I’m not in a place of listing all the scriptures of times God got angry in the Bible and still was love, but I’d encourage you to maybe do that.  I know for certain Jesus got angry with the religious leaders and others a lot and yet still it was out of love, even to the point of making a whip and driving our moneychangers from the temple.  Yet, to those who were hurting, sick, in need and knew it, He was gentle, kind, loving, their healer and deliverer.  

What does it look like for us to allow ourselves that emotion and still love others well?  

I think this will be a topic I need to walk out with the Lord for a while, as I ‘m pretty sure we are meant to defend the defenseless, stand up for righteousness and justice, set people free.  There may be some emotions of anger at evil and the effects of it, as I walk that out.  I’m pretty sure God is OK with that. 

In my messy conversation with Him, I heard this in my heart.  Weigh it for yourself, but I believe it was the Lord speaking this to me. 


I understand the struggle with in you, but let love win.  

I understand the anger, the hatred even of sin, and it’s right to be angry, but don’t let it lead to sin in your own heart.   Let love win.

I understand the anger you feel at the religious system.  I have been angry with it too, the religious/business system that uses people and then spits them out when they don’t hit the mark.  I abhor that system.  It has nothing to do with love, life, or freedom, which is why it is failing. You have every right to be angry. 

I understand your anger of a government that just abandoned thousands of people and left their own weapons for them to be used against them to murder my kids. I’m angry too. 

I’m angry when any of my children are persecuted, held against their will, raped, manipulated, controlled, mouths taped up, body parts torn apart and then sold, children trafficked for sexual pleasure. Daughter, all of humanity’s evils are before my eyes and I see it all as one. And yes, I get livid – any loving Father would.  

Love gets angry, but it doesn’t lose its way or get off track in that anger. 

Don’t be overcome by evil. Overcome evil with good. 

The thing is I also have my son’s sacrifice before me, and His sacrifice was enough to cover all of those sins, those evils. It doesn’t dismiss them, like they don’t happen, but it makes a way for those who receive what He has done to become my children and to be truly free from that system. 

Sweetheart, love overcomes evil. Not anger. Love does. Patience does. Kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, truth, joy, goodness, self-control. Nothing is a more powerful offensive weapon than the power of love. That’s why I said love your enemies. Do good to those who persecute you. 

It doesn’t mean that you’ll never be angry, nor that I want you to be silent. I need you to speak truth in love. I need the whistleblowers. I need those who will stand up for justice, righteousness, and not be swayed in that. 

But even in the middle of the standing up, to do so in love, to do so with kindness. If you give into the spirit of offense, then you will become like the offender. That’s not who you are. 

Be angry, but don’t let that anger keep you from loving people right in the middle of it. Speak out, but when you do, point them to me.

Forgive people when they don’t deserve it, because they don’t know what they are doing. They don’t know they are puppets in a different master’s hands.  Release their ultimate judgment to me.  

Fight the good fight against the real enemy, the spiritual strongholds in the heavenly realms. And yet, sometimes that means holding people accountable to the just consequences of their behavior.

Let love win. In you. In the way you love others. In the way you love me. 

It’s right to grieve the effects of evil in this world. Blessed are they who mourn for they will be comforted.

I love you. Let live win.