My Birthday Blog – The Gift of Today

As I sit here to write this, I don’t fully grasp the hope I feel in my heart, an odd peace, an unshakable faith. This year has already held a few emergency runs to the ER with friends and extended family. Already held a few hands during some very challenging events. I’ve found myself grappling with some evil schemes on levels I didn’t want to believe were possible.

It’s only Feb. 1st. And it’s my birthday.

I’ve already been stretched beyond what I’ve felt capable of.

And yet, I’ve not felt forgotten or alone or helpless. I’ve felt held. Even now, I see Jesus smiling at me in my mind’s eye speaking hope that everything is going to be just fine. He doesn’t see things the way we do, does He?

In my processing of the past 53 years of being on this planet, I’ve asked many “whys” of the Lord. I’ve heard people tell me that that question is not a good question to ask the Almighty, and yet, I’ve never felt the Lord upset with me for doing so. And there have been times He has answered that. Most of the answers revolve around shifting my perspective to seeing things through His eyes, which is much different than mine.

I remember one such moment, when I asked Him about some current events that seemed so very overwhelming, and I saw Him walk up to me with the globe in His hand like a ball, with a cheesy smile on His face. He just communicated to me that He was in control. I was not. And that was OK. I could trust Him. He’s got this.

That’s difficult to see though when your one of best friends has just found her daughter unresponsive, and you are standing in an ER room holding tightly to her hand. It can be difficult to see when you are tenderly cupping the other hand of your spiritual papa who has been told he is now on hospice, while you pray for every moment of his life to be fulfilled. Or when you kiss your mama’s forehead and tell her I’ll see you soon, as she meets Jesus. Or when you are swimming in a sea of anger, because once again Jesus asks you to let Him into a new level of pain in your heart.

And yet, faith keeps rising – faith (trust) in a loving, compassionate, good God who keeps changing my perspective.

You know I once thought I’d never make it to 40 years old, and truly I’ve been almost taken out multiple times in these 50 some years. I’ve walked through some extremely hot fires, and traversed waters that I thought would surely wash me away, and yet, God’s unfailing love and goodness keep chasing me down. Ps. 23

I got up early this morning to go to breakfast with my family and a friend, just as the sun rose. You all know I love a beautiful sun rise. Jesus spoke to me a few months ago, that as one day is ending the next has already begun. What hope there is in that! A new day, a new horizon, a new hope has already begun even as the day is fading.

Recently, during a different hospital visit, someone I love who faced major surgery said “People tell me that I need to stop smoking. That it will kill me some day.” I wondered where the conversation was going. “But I say, every day is a gift, and I might as well live it up how I want too.”

Sadness pricked my heart, and I kindly responded, “You know, every day is a gift. But I rather live each day to bless and help someone else.” That statement is not to say how great I am. I am not all that. Yet, I just don’t want to live this life to make myself feel good, for my pleasure, and benefit. I mean I like all those things. But I want something more. I want my life to have a positive effect on this world around me. I want to shine light in the darkness.

I want to be there to hold my friend’s hand and stand in rock-solid faith with her as she faces the impossible, because we love the God of the I aM Possible. I want to be there to speak life to my friend who just got the death sentence and see that through the eyes of eternity. I want to spend time crying with the survivor who went through hell on earth, like I did, and then show who Jesus really is. I want to love my own kids well, and show them that life is worth living, and fighting for, and there is a bigger picture than just me, trying to gain things for myself. I want to love my husband every day, showing him value for who he is in my life.

You know, I have a feeling that there are going to be many more challenges to traverse in the coming seasons, and yet, I see and feel this faith and hope growing in a good, good God who loves us unconditionally, who is not surprised by what happens, but instead, He holds the playbook, and I can trust Him.

I can lean back into His great love, and just BE, because I know He’s got this! And that is my birthday wish for you too. Lean back into His great love for you, and live each day as a gift to be used to bring some light to this dark, dark world. Love you all so much friends!

A New Hope Rising

Recently, I was at a funeral – my mom’s funeral.  As the lid of the casket closed, two of our former pastors solemnly walked through the doors to greet my sister, who they had come for.  I meandered across the room shaking hands, and receiving thoughtful glances as I made my way to greet my old friends.  Unknown bridges had been burned in the past, but we had not been the ones to light the fires to them.  Once torched, we had sought several times to rebuild, to reconcile, but to no avail.  

It had been almost a decade since we last met.  As I approached them yet again with a welcoming hug and a greeting of genuine, “It so good to see you,” it felt like I had just hugged an icicle – hard, cold, unresponsive.  Not a word was returned. 

Later, I wrestled with all my ball of knotted up gut responses in the presence of a trusted friend.  With many tears, I talked to Jesus and encountered His presence.

I sought reconciliation still with these pastors.  “Jesus, maybe if I just write one more letter.  Maybe if I just trying explain one more time where our hearts were, why we left when did, etc., etc.?”

There are only a handful of times that I have seen Jesus truly angry, like turn over the tables in the temple angry.  Honestly, in scripture, the only time I read about Him that angry is when He encountered the religious leaders of His day.  He never seemed to be mad at the prostitutes, or the sick, or the demon-possessed, or the dishonest tax collectors, or even the Roman dictators.  But with the religious leaders He commonly said some scathing comments about them.  “White-washed tombs filled with dead men’s bone” would probably qualify as some of those type of comments.  

So, I found myself begging for reconciliation with these former pastors to Jesus, who seemed really, really angry.  The answer I got was well, not what I expected, but it went way broader than these pastors really fast.  In fact, this message is not really about these individuals at all, but they seemed to be representing church leadership in general.

He has repeated this message over the course of the past month and a half, different ways, but over and over again to me.  Even this morning, the directive has been to write this down, and share it.  There is no desire on my part to throw these particular people under the bus.  The reason I mention them at all is for context. For whatever reason, His answer to me was a firm “No,” to seeking further reconciliation.  It was more like “It’s time for me to intervene.”  

Please understand.  I’m not saying any of this as a judgment statement against all churches.  In fact, in this engagement with the Lord, I kept feeling like I needed to ask forgiveness because I got them in trouble, which was silly.  I hadn’t done anything to cause them pain, though evidently they had thought so.  I also quickly realized Jesus’s words were not just directed towards them, but the American Church in general.  Also, my family and I do meet in the corporate environment with other believers, and it is wonderful.  The following is not meant to be a blanket judgment across the American Church from me.  I have a healthy respect for the scripture that says, “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.”  I know I miss the mark all the time, so this is just a reiterating of what I have heard that He has been saying this past month, and feel now is the time to share it.  

In my mind’s eye, I saw the tip of an huge iceberg floating in the sea, and then the finger of God came and tapped the tip, flipping the entire iceberg upside down, so that huge, immense bottom was now above water and was visible for the world to see.  Then, I heard these words.

“Those who have represented my church, who have represented me, in their pride, in their arrogance, who have offered fake fire, and a puny god, who made my kingdom their kingdom, who have made their name great instead of my name, their day of judgment has come.  Only the tip of the iceberg has been shown, but I am tipping the iceberg upside down, and the world will see the giant iceberg underneath.  It must be done, or the American’s destiny will not be fulfilled.” 

“The shaking in the four walls has only begun.” 

“Exposure.  Exposure.  Exposure.”

“You have called for the judgment on the broken in this nation, you have turned your eyes away from the needy, the bleeding.  In fact, you have been disgusted by the little, hurt lambs, while instead you have fed the wolves.” 

“Enough is enough.  The tables are turning.  The tables are turning.  I will cleanse my house of this witchcraft, of this wickedness.”  

“They have misrepresented my heart.  They have caused the little ones to stumble .  The children cried for a rope to pull them out of the pits, and instead they have offered them a noose.  They have brought judgment on themselves.”  

“Don’t look to the four walls anymore.  Don’t try to be like the old structure at all.  Yes, there is some good still there. Yes. I am still using organized churches, but a shift is coming and is already here.” 

“Millions have been driven out of buildings, out of the man’s kingdom structures, and into their homes.  I am and will pour my spirit out in the homes, businesses, in the street. The enemy won’t contain my spirit behind four walls anymore.”  

“On the contrary, my ecklessia will return to her roots,  house to house, home to home, family to family, heart to heart.  I will build my true ecklessia.  Not with bricks, but with living stones, with me only as their chief corner stone.”

Yesterday, I sat in a movie theatre with tears streaming down my cheeks.  In front of me on the big screen was a church that had been partly destroyed by the Civil War.  The bell tower had been damaged with the bell itself now covered in ashes laying on the floor in the center of the shell shocked nave.  “Mama always said that the bell of the church is the voice of the church which rings out hope, but look the church has lost her voice,” said the character in the movie as he looked at the structure.  (Paraphrased)

The stark scene reflected the feelings in my heart.  “The church has lost her voice,” I repeated in my head.  And yet as the movie continued, the scenes changed to later showing the same fallen bell, covered in ashes and snow.  As the wind blew across it the words “ New Hope” appeared.  

There is no power in a church building unless the Holy Spirit resides there.  The traditional church were my mom’s funeral had been held was as empty and cold as my former friend’s hug had been.  

How many lost souls have found only condemnation, a list of do’s and don’t’s, a bar too high to jump, a noose to hang themselves on; instead of a rope to be pulled out the dark pit they have fallen into, and a gospel that is empty of good news.  

Our Hope has been, is now, and will always be found in Christ alone.  “He did not come into the world to condemn the world, but to save it.”  

In this season of civil war, A New Hope is and will rise out of the ashes of the destruction of former institutions we called church.  It will be the true Bride of Christ, the true Church, the true Body of Christ arising with the real Jesus as our leader, our lover, our Bridegroom King.  He’s not done with the American Church, but He must clean house, and rebuild His true church to restore Her voice.  Only He can do this.  It may not look like we think it will, but He can and will have His Bride, His Church.  

God truly loves you.  He relentlessly is chasing after the rejected ones, the ones who have been judged, ridiculed, and left on the road side to die.  He came to seek and save those that are lost.  

A great harvest is coming, but they will come because they have met the real, true Jesus who loves them with a love, so pure, so strong, so compelling.  Our New Hope is found in the true Jesus alone.  

Ironically, when I was a child, my mom used to sing this little song about a bell ringing. “If I had a bell, I’d ring it in the morning. I’d ring it in the evening all over this land. I’d ring out justice. I’d ring out freedom. I’d ring out a love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.” (paraphrased)

Let the bells ring out Hope again!

The movie referenced is “I Heard the Bell” by Sight and Sound Theatre 2022, and the song is “If I Had a Hammer” lyrics © T.R.O. Inc., Tratore/ Songwriters: Lee Hays / Pete Seeger.

Why “The Bride Arising”?

“This is Where You Fight From”

Often times, we become so familiar with a concept, topic, or environment that we miss the importance of it. Being the Bride of Christ is one of those concepts.

When the vision that I just wrote about in my new book, “The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey” occurred six years ago, I had been raised in the church my whole life. I knew about the concept of the Bride of Christ. I knew it be about the passage in Revelation 21:2, where it talks about the new Jerusalem coming down. I also knew and had heard sermons preached about Ephesians 5, where husbands are commanded to love their wives, like Christ does the church as His Bride. That it is a mystery. There is actually a lot of passages about the Bride of Christ coming and us being ready for the wedding!

When you have an experience though that is back up by the scriptures, especially one like this vision was, it takes that information and engraves it on your heart in new ways.

I hope that you will take time to go back and watch the interview I had with my special guests, because they asked some fantastic questions. I included it at the end.

One question was what has been one thing that has made a lasting impact, brought lasting fruit in my life because of this experience? Encounters with a living God should bring about lasting fruit. It should change you. As I contemplated that question, I realized that not only had this experience been one of the most profound and vivid encounters with Jesus, but also one that has had a most lasting impact.

This vision with Jesus really was the beginning of me experiencing Him in this intimate love, this holy, pure passion like I’d never experienced before. Through out this experience, Jesus kept looking at me and telling me that

“This is where you fight from. This is where you live now.”

It didn’t make as much sense then as it does now. Through the years since this experience with Him, living from that holy place of intimacy with Jesus, from under the canopy of His love, with His armor firmly fitted over my wedding attire (my new identity in Christ), it has become my life, my sustaining daily bread. When I’ve lost sight of this holy place of intimacy with Him in His heart of love for me, is when I’ve spiraled downward into confusion, darkness, and despair.

Knowing our identity in Jesus Christ as our Bridegroom, both individually and corporately, and then living from it, is how we can live an overcoming life in this crazy, dark world. This is why I wrote the book and why I feel it’s so important. It’s not just about me having this grand experience. It’s about each of us encountering the Living God of love, and dwelling there with Him, living our lives from that place of intimacy in His heart.

In the book, I give you space to have your own experience with Him. I pray others will also share as they are ready what that experience was like for them.

Consider this scripture:

“Look! It is the king’s marriage carriage— the love seat surrounded by sixty champions, the mightiest of Israel’s host, are like pillars of protection. They stand ready with swords to defend the king and his fiancée from every terror of the night. The king made this mercy seat for himself out of the finest wood that will not decay. Pillars of smoke, like silver mist—a canopy of golden glory dwells above it. The place where they sit together is sprinkled with crimson. Love and mercy cover this carriage, blanketing his tabernacle throne. The king himself has made it for those who will become his bride.” Song of Songs 7-10 TPT

Can you see it? Everyone who becomes His Bride (Which is both male and female – Refer to Chris’ encounter in the the chapter entitled “The Struggle for Men” pg. 60), have the position to sit on the mercy seat, which is covered in crimson (the blood of Jesus) under the canopy the canopy of His love (His chuppa – the wedding canopy). His banner over us is love. This is where we sit seated with Jesus Christ, surrounded by His mighty angel, warriors. It’s our place of intimacy, rest, warfare, protection. It is the marriage seat.

My friends, this is why this message is so important for us today. As we get closer and closer to the changing of the next age of the Kingdom, the full revealing of the Sons of God in the earth, to the wedding celebration of the Lamb, we must live from this place.

This book is for you to help you to begin to encounter Jesus, and all of the Trinity for yourself.

It is also timely. The Lord kept pressing me to have the book completed before the week of Sukkot, which is the Feast of Booths/ Feast of Tabernacles. It’s the feast the Jews celebrate the crossing of the desert to the promised land, where they lived in temporary dwelling, and so to celebrate would for ten days live outside in tents at this time every year. I was invited to be apart of a Sukkot celebration for the first time, and had been asked to teach a healing art class there. I felt led to do one on the bridal journey. What I had no idea of though is that in the Hebrew mindset, the journey of Sukkot is the bridal journey!

The journey through the wilderness for the Hebrews was a bridal journey with God, where they came to Mt. Sinai to cut a marital covenant with Him. He became their covering in the desert, their protector, their provider, their lover. Obviously, they were not fully able to embrace this covenant, and eventually turned their backs on their Husband, God. (I think this would make a great follow up blog.) In short, Jesus came to cut a new marriage covenant with us. When we receive Him, we say yes, to Him as our covering, our protector, our provider, our lover, our Husband.

So, in telling me to have the book completed by this celebration, the Lord confirmed strongly His will in having this book out at just the perfect time. How fun God is!

Even if you decide not to read the book, I hope you gained more perspective on what it means to become the Bride of Christ, and how vital it is to live from that place of intimacy in His heart!

It’s time for the Bride to Arise.

“The Bride Arising: A Vision of a Bridal Journey” is now available on Amazon.com as a paperback and Kindle version.

The Healing Flow of Creativity

I was the kind of child who was always looking for a way to escape my reality – looking for the ancient door to the wardrobe so that I could step into Narnia, where enchanting trees spirits, lively dwarfs, and talking animals made my painful realities all fade away.  

Somehow in the process of growing older, of coloring between the lines and living by the rules, especially the religious ones, the creative fantasies disappeared like a mist vaporizing.  Trauma, worries, concerns, cares of this world, even our logical thinking can bring the creative flow to a halt.  

But not so “In the beginning…” 

Genesis 1:1 says, “In the beginning, God created…” And a few verses later, mankind was made in His image.  We were created in the image of our creator who created all things.  The first instructions He gives His new creation is “Go procreate.  Go cultivate.  Go name the animals.  Go take care of all of this new creation.  Go be fruitful and multiple.”

This is what co-creating with God means to me – to allow His creative power to flow through us to bring His image upon the earth.

In a state of worshipful mediation, I heard the words, “You don’t live by the rules anymore.”  

When we are young, we have lots of rules to teach us, protect us, and to help us learn.  Yet, as we grow older, maturing into adults many of those rules aren’t needed anymore.  God says that He will write His law of love on our hearts, and that this is the new place to live from.  

It was the temptation to eat the forbidden fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil that brought death in the first place.  Mankind stepped away from the Tree of Life, and partook of the Tree of Knowledge: the tree of living by the rules, the regulations, of the law that kills, the knowledge of right and wrong.

Children are born with the ability to create and tend to be very creative.  We are made in the image of God.  He is the master creator.  I believe everyone has some God-given ability in them to create whether it is gardening, painting, cooking, working with computer, fixing a car.  It’s in us.  

Yes.  As children, we need rules and boundaries to help us to mature and to grow up healthy.  “Don’t touch the hot stove.” is a rule that can keep our fingers from experiencing the painful burn of heat.  We need to learn right from wrong, and that there is truth and laws that govern our world.   

As we grow up though, maturing into into adults, we come to a place in that maturation process where we should step into a new place of being governed by the law of love written on our hearts by the Holy Spirit.  When we learn to live from the law of love, there is the return of the freedom flow of living from the Tree of Life.  

However, children also learn at a young age, many times by a well meaning adult or maybe a not so well meaning, that thinking or coloring outside of the box or the lines is wrong, squelching creativity.  We learn to live and operate from places of fear of punishment.  We learn to live in boxes – in those self- or other- imposed boundary lines that are controlling us through intimidation.

Trauma, stress, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, unresolved issues in our heart cloud, suppress, and even destroy our ability to create.  

To create beautiful things, there must be some framework of trust in us.  Trust is built through loving, safe relationships.  In intimate, trusting relationships creativity flourishes, because the fear of failure evaporates.

I still remember the day I was teaching an art class to sex trafficking survivors.  One lady began to cry as we were finishing up a painting.  I thought somehow I had triggered her, but instead she began to tell a piece of her story.   As a child, she loved to paint and draw, but her abuser threw her art supplies away, and forbid her to be creative.  Through her tears, she said this was the first time since then that she had created something beautiful.  This unlocked something in her.

That’s what allowing creativity to flow happens in us.  It unlocks things.  It unlocks places in our hearts, beauty, our dreams, ambitions.  It also can unlock areas of pain, which we then can give to God in the process and let Him heal.  

Life is not about following rules of do’s and don’t or coloring in the lines.  It is about a free flow of stepping into the river of life, and co-creating with God.  The only boundaries of the river are His love.  

It might look messy.  It hopefully will look and feel child-like.  But most of all, my prayer is you feel encouraged and connected with the Master creator, learning to allow His creative power to flow through you bringing healing and wholeness to your heart, mind, and Spirit.

As I was spending time with the Lord today, I felt God whisper this is my ear for you.

Child,

I am the master creator.  I created everything with my breath, formed the mountain, hung the stars, spun out the solar systems with my words.  Be and it was.  Every living thing, every living creature was formed in my magnificent heart, hand crafted by me.

Mankind being my most glorious of all creation, after my own likeness, you are made in my image.  You are made to be creative, to create and bring to life the wonders I placed inside of you.  

The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy the creative process in you, to squelch the beauty within waiting to burst forth.  

Trauma, fear, anger, stress – all these things put you in a shut down, self protect mode which keeps you from engaging and living out of me, living out of the freedom of the creative life giving flow.  Like blocks damming a river, preventing the flow of life.

Your enemy comes swiftly at children to shut down their creativity to steal their God-given ability to connect with heaven, with good, with me through their imagination.  But I want to restore your child-like faith.  I want to clean your holy imagination screen, to fill your mind-eye with light, so you can see again.

In the creative River, there is a flow of ideas, light, life, freedom.  There is no right or wrong here.  There are no rules.  The only boundary is love.  Every creative drop flows out of love, out of life, joy, peace – from living in the tree of life.  

Don’t be afraid of making a mistake, of getting it wrong, of seeing something wrong or bad.  If you do, just bring that back to me, let me heal where ever it is that is causing you pain.  I’m not going to condemn you.  I simply love you.  I know where you are in pain, what needs my touch.  I am healing you.  

These are healing waters of creativity that are yours to step into.  So, jump on in. I’ll meet you in the middle of the waters to jump and play and to wash all the pain, sorrow, and lies away.  

I love you, little one.  You are sensing me.  Dance in the river of creative love.  Music, arts, books, all forms of creativity flow from here…

Engage.  Encounter me.

Love,

Papa

Check out the new monthly encounter art classes where we learn and grow in this creative flow together!

What’s Behind the Curtain

I don’t usually post others dreams, but this one really seemed important and was told me by a teenager who I’m close to. Discern for yourself if this from the Lord.

8/29/21

There was a big red and gold room with a lot of people in it giving money to someone hidden, but they did not know what they were giving too. There was a ginormous red curtain, and all the people wanted to see what was behind it. But they only showed two people standing at a booth behind a small portion of the curtain. Then a person was walking through the room. He seemed like Jesus to me. I saw in like holograms, gold coins, and as he walked through they pored in representing the money the people were giving. Then he got to the curtain, and then roared, and a big wind blew back the curtain. I saw half of a Buddhist statue. Later all the people came together again and the man was standing on a gong and swung it, and the statues’s head came off and fell in front of the people, and they were all terrified.